Sunday, July 31, 2011

I am

Right this moment, feeling a little hopeless.
Doing my best.
In great need, or perhaps desirous, of a few days away.
Waiting for my laundry day.
Happy to have my cats.
Probably going to be fat forever.
Wanting a real garden.
Wishing to wake up tomorrow morning to find nearly all of the books gone.
Grateful to have work that I love.
More grateful to have my family (most of them, most of the time) and wonderful friends.
Digging into that place where my strength might be hiding.
Being the change that I want to see in the world.
Stewarding my little corner of the world as best I can.
Honoring my gifts, even when it is so difficult.
Appreciating everything that I have and not longing for that which I do not have.
Staying mindful.
Cooking from scratch, but not wallowing in guilt when I cannot.
Close to mastering the granny square.
Willing to let bygones be bygones.
Working towards forgiveness.
Refusing to be beaten down any more, dammit.
Holding my tongue.
Not getting any younger.
Craving sweets.
Failing at so many things.
Reluctant to set goals.
Finished making the back-to-school gifts for my mentee.
Ready for tomorrow's meeting.
Desperate for change.
Frightened of change.
Dedicated to forward movement.
Relieved to have found two temporarily misplaced library books.
Just about to start a new zombie book.
Longing for a cigarette, or two or forty.
About to stop working for the day, go outside with my book, light some candles and have a whiskey.

Never going to give up hope.

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