100 Days toward a healthier life - Day 68

Breakfast:  McDonald's, scrambled eggs, one of those potato slabs, a sausage patty, a pancake, I think that was it
Lunch:  Jalapeno muffin with cream cheese
Dinner:  Nothing
Snack:  Grapes, cherries

I had to wait for the car to be repaired this morning, so I planned on walking across the parking lot, down the street a bit and into McDonald's to wait and to have some food.  It was surprisingly good, like really good.  I did not eat all of the breakfast thing (maybe platter or something like that), but it was nice.  I had a senior coffee and a huge soft drink later, whilst I read some free newspapery magazine. 

I took a library book, but could not concentrate, even though it was about zombies...lurve 'em. 

Lunch was the other muffin from Tuesday.  I am glad to have bought only two, because they are also really delicious.  Dangerous.

Dinner, well I just am not hungry.  Another minor thing, much less than Monday's, but just as hurtful.  I am so sick of myself, that this crap continues to be something to which I simply cannot avoid responding with such sadness and pain.  I am a grown-up person and these assaults should not mean a rat's ass to me.  Seriously.  The constant picking and sniping is tiring, but I should be able to ignore all of it.  Man, I have so much more freaking work to do on myself about this stuff.  Double-freaking-man.  I probably should eat something, else I will be up in the middle of the night, roaming around and looking for something easy to eat. 

But, I probably will not because I am worn out and can hardly stay awake.  So, it is off to bed, an early night and I will not be able to go outside and have that martini I have been promising myself all day.  No energy for making a GP.  I really do not care about anything pleasurable now.  I suck.  Hey, Diary, so much for my plans and decision to not complain, moan, groan or whine.  Yeah, sucky day.

Amongst all of the other puzzlements, I keep wondering how I can be eating so little and still not be losing any real weight.  And, I must look like total crap, because at least six people at work yesterday asked me how I was feeling and another person at the car repair place asked me the same.  Great.  At least I have new underwear, which makes me so excited that I can hardly stand it...new socks, too!!!!  O.K., then, things are beginning to look up.  Yeah, right.