Saturday, July 16, 2011

100 Days toward a healthier life - Day 70

Breakfast:  Sandwich at Panera, it is Saturday, after all
Lunch:  Phở from my favorite noodle place
Dinner:  Nothing yet, but will probably be soup and crackers
Snack:  Some Tostito's jalapeno chips and cherries

O.K.  Panera.  Seriously, if you are going to sell a bagel called Jalapeno & Cheddar Cheese, is it even the teeniest bit possible to have some jalapenos actually in it and/or to have it taste even the teeniest bit like either the chili or the cheese?  Or both, for crying out loud?  Even the poor folk taking orders and money and making the food are puzzled.  They were nice and offered new sandwiches to the two of us, which we declined, and then offered some pepper jack cheese to add to our pathetic sandwiches, which we also declined.  It is not their fault, they were super-duper nice and helpful and tried to make up for the sandwich's shortcomings, but the breakfast stuff there is a constant disappointment and I will not be ordering anything of the kind again.  At least the coffee was better than usual.  I do, however, like their salads, which are quite nice, fresh and yummy, as well as their little rolls or baguette slices or whatever they serve with that, although I always take the apple.  We go there infrequently because only one of the ladies likes it there, and since there were only three of us today, I was able to convince the third woman to meet us there.  I mean, even if a place is heinous, and one of the group likes it, then you can go there once in a while.  Unfortunately, we have to wait until the more vocal and reluctant members are off doing something else.  Really, we should go places that each person likes, not just the places that everyone likes.  You know?

This kind of disappointment will always happen, because the people who love Panera simply love it and the company does not have to do anything to fix this stuff, which I am guessing they think is minor problem, or a non-issue.  And, the corn chips with jalapeno (just a hint or something like that) made up for the bagels, and were nicely spiced and a huge improvement over the pathetic bagels.  Plus, the chips were free because I had a coupon. 

I rarely use coupons because I can never remember to bring them along to the store and when I do put them in my bag I forget to use them, even if the checker asks me if I have any.  Yes, I am that lame.

I did get two more of those yummy jalapeno muffins, and a focaccia that is full of spicy slices, too, but not a whole lot of tummy-busting cheese.  All of it is being sliced and frozen so that I do not have some kind of breakdown and eat all of it before I go to bed.  Even the prospect of shame could not keep me from scarfing every crumb, thus, the freezer to the rescue.

They had nice cherries and I have been munching on those all afternoon.  Very yummy, but a bit too many, so I probably will not have any dinner tonight.

Lunch was the second best part of the day...the first best was being with friends.  I had phở at my favorite place.  I have to go by myself because I cannot convince anyone else to enter the place, much less eat there.  I am getting to know the people who own the place/work there and they are going to double the size of their restaurant as soon as the health department makes their inspections.  I guess there is a waiting list or something.  They are planning to open a second place near to where my daughter lives.  We could take the boys there, as they love Asian food.

I took another load to the charity shops this afternoon.  Man, there are places here that are looking kind of bare, which is fine because that is sort of the point of getting rid of stuff.  I took a few of my most favorite books to coffee this morning, and they have found new homes.  Yay.  I will be filling the back of the van with books a couple of times next week and am totally not looking forward to it.  I wanted to start today, but taking all of those lovely friends off of their dusty shelves is further fracturing my already bruised heart. 

It has to be done.  They all must go.  I have to finish this book divestment.  I just have to.  I mean, what if there is something waiting to enter my life, something good for a change, something or someone who is not going to curse me or smash me in the mouth or stab me in the back, and it/they cannot manifest because my house is full of freaking books?  What if? 

And, what about the other stuff?  I might have a new home for my loom, but the kiln and other clay stuff is going to be more difficult.  Both are expensive enterprises, and I totally understand that taking either of them on is a serious commitment.  Oh, god, just let me survive the books, please. 


I am not going to dwell on this past week, well, not if I want to stay sane, but I cannot help but think of these assaults as an earthquake.  With plenty of aftershocks, because the perps are so positive that they know everything and what they want should be perfectly acceptable to everyone else.  And, these aftershocks are not helping me in the whole forgiveness thing. 

Or, it could be that they are right and I am just a stupid and pointless and redundant fool who simply does not 'get' whatever it is that I am supposed to be 'getting'.  At some point, do you just have to surrender and admit that you are totally fucked up and clueless?  What if holding on to my ethics means that I am certifiable or out of step...and touch...with the modern world or something?  What if trying to be a good person, tread lightly on the earth, grow my own damn food, make my own damn soap and clothes and other stuff is the hallmark, the identifier of a person who is trying to live in a way that is no longer viable or that even makes sense?  Did I get left behind because I was not paying attention?

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