8 days left
Breakfast: 2 frozen burritos, salsa (delish), sour cream
Snack: 11 kolaches
Lunch: Piece of banana flax bread
Dinner: 3 chicken sausages (new brand, not very good), banana flax bread, tiny piece of chocolate, double bourbon
Even homemade kolaches cannot mend a broken heart. Someone did not want
them, thought them too crude, so I ate them as part of today's
mood-altering food consumption, part of my Emotional Eating Myself Into A
Stupor life plan. It was all about the carbs today, eating
thirteen...count 'em thirteen...pieces of bakery, two burritos with more
carbs and not one bit of anything healthy, because those sausages were
kind of greasy, which would not have been so bad except that they were
also not so good. I also had two short naps from all the carbs.
It did not work, none of it, so I am having this nice glass of bourbon
for my bedtime snack, even though I listed it as part of dinner. Hold
on, I need a refill.
It is impossible for me to do anything that I like without serious
consequences from the soul that does not want me to do anything. We
have a big family thing in two Sundays and I am expecting to catch crap
from everyone because no one is ever satisfied, even though they are
unwilling to deal with their own interpersonal stuff and leave me to
make nice for everyone. I quit. If I have to miss the baptism of my
grandbabies, then, so be it. Allrighty, I will not quit. I will not
miss this wonderful event. I might, however, bring a friend along so
that everyone behaves in front of the stranger. At least I hope they
do.
All of this, and the pulling of the funds to have the brake lines on the
van fixed are a result of having the nerve to take time for myself away
from this place. 'nuff said, too much shared and early to bed.
You know, I am sitting here, with just enough bourbon in me to know that
I have to change, so I am going to stop being held in the thrall of
this stuff. I am going to care, but not too much, and I am no longer
going to be bullied into not doing anything or going anywhere. What I
do takes absolutely nothing away from anyone else. If that makes me a
selfish bitch, then so be that, too.
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