Monday, August 8, 2011

100 Days toward a healthier life - Day 93

8 days left

Breakfast:  2 frozen burritos, salsa (delish), sour cream
Snack:  11 kolaches
Lunch:  Piece of banana flax bread
Dinner:  3 chicken sausages (new brand, not very good), banana flax bread, tiny piece of chocolate, double bourbon

Even homemade kolaches cannot mend a broken heart.  Someone did not want them, thought them too crude, so I ate them as part of today's mood-altering food consumption, part of my Emotional Eating Myself Into A Stupor life plan. It was all about the carbs today, eating thirteen...count 'em thirteen...pieces of bakery, two burritos with more carbs and not one bit of anything healthy, because those sausages were kind of greasy, which would not have been so bad except that they were also not so good.  I also had two short naps from all the carbs. 

It did not work, none of it, so I am having this nice glass of bourbon for my bedtime snack, even though I listed it as part of dinner.  Hold on, I need a refill.

It is impossible for me to do anything that I like without serious consequences from the soul that does not want me to do anything.  We have a big family thing in two Sundays and I am expecting to catch crap from everyone because no one is ever satisfied, even though they are unwilling to deal with their own interpersonal stuff and leave me to make nice for everyone.  I quit.  If I have to miss the baptism of my grandbabies, then, so be it.  Allrighty, I will not quit.  I will not miss this wonderful event.  I might, however, bring a friend along so that everyone behaves in front of the stranger.  At least I hope they do.

All of this, and the pulling of the funds to have the brake lines on the van fixed are a result of having the nerve to take time for myself away from this place.  'nuff said, too much shared and early to bed. 

You know, I am sitting here, with just enough bourbon in me to know that I have to change, so I am going to stop being held in the thrall of this stuff.  I am going to care, but not too much, and I am no longer going to be bullied into not doing anything or going anywhere.  What I do takes absolutely nothing away from anyone else.  If that makes me a selfish bitch, then so be that, too.

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