100 Days toward a healthier life - Day 69

Breakfast:  Nothing
Lunch:  Soup, two bowls, the second one had some whole wheat couscous dumped in before heating it
Dinner:  Frozen pizza, spinach and something (Amy's, I think)
Snack:  Canned pineapple

I am still off balance.  Just cannot seem to find my way.  In my defense, it has only been five days and it was a terrible thing that happened, so I guess I can be patient, at least a little.  I guess.  The only good thing to come out of this so far is that when in pain, I clean. 

So, lots of stuff getting divested, as well.  I have another three boxes, a couple of trash bags, a brand-new dog bed, and a stool that I never used for the art project for which it was intended and that I bought at the same charity shop were it is being delivered tomorrow.  Or, was it that other place.  No matter, it is still leaving.

Another interesting thing is that I am getting rid of some big stuff.  I have a couple of prospects to take my big loom.  And, I am thinking that my clay studio is going to be emptied, as well.  The weird part is that I feel lighter.  Huge cliché, but it is true.  This week has been just one hit after another and I look around this place and see all of my lovely things and they just do not hold the same energy for me anymore. 

Yesterday was the worst.  I wanted everything in my life to be gone.  When the cleaning frenzy began, I knew that it would not take much time to work through the house, so there had to be more, and that more is stripping this place to its bones.  I am shocked at how easily I am letting this stuff go.  This is the final curtain for the books, too.  I took all of the cookbooks out on Tuesday, keeping only four, Alice's Restaurant (yes, that Alice), a low-carb slow cooker book, a tiny paperback that has some of my favorite healthy recipes, and a reprint of Housekeeping in Old Virginia, circa mid 1800s.  There is one more, but it hardly qualifies.  It is an original, 1893 copy of Good Things, made and done for every home and household.  If you need to make jugged hare or calve's foot jelly, this tiny book has it.  Nice ginger beer recipe, too.

As for the rest, well I thought that I had culled them as best I could last year, but now I want them all gone.  Books, loom, kiln, everything.  I need to just get rid of it all.  It is not going to change what happened, but when the day comes where I am no longer able to take this place, it will be much easier to pack up and leave.  I am still working on that whole forgiveness thing.  That part is difficult.  I am hoping that it is not impossible.  I never thought that I could be so conflicted about this aspect, but I am.