100 Days toward a healthier life - Days 52 - 53 - 54

I cannot remember what I have been eating for the past three days.

I know that there were, for breakfasts:
some hard-boiled eggs
some instant oatmeal
a tiny poppy seed muffin
lots of coffee
2 bananas
orange juice
more boiled eggs

What the heck did I have for lunches?

Oh:
a six-inch roast beef flatbread thing from Subway at a tollway rest stop, and a couple of apples and another hard-boiled egg for lunch yesterday.

Then, today, it was Perkins, the senior turkey dinner, with fresh broccoli, mashed potatoes and a roll, but the food was cold and I did not eat the dressing or the roll, but did manage to choke down most of the rest.

Dinners were better.  Two fabulous Amish meals, one hosted at a working farm and the other at a nice, family style restaurant last night.

There were plenty of temptations along the way, but I totally resisted most of them, and only partially caved on two others.  One was an amazing donut with the best pastry cream ever, and a piece of pie last night, from which I took two nice bites and a third of just the whipped topping.  It was a thin layer of the best cheesecake I have ever tasted, a layer of freshly made raspberry jam, pastry cream, the whipped topping and a drizzle of more jam.  It was delicious and the pride of eating just a couple of tastes was the most delicious part.  As we were leaving, they gave each of us a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie that was more shortbread than cookie and I left that behind.

Still, even with all of the will power, I know that my calorie intake (even though I am not counting them) must have been in the stratosphere.  Oh, well.

So, anyway, I was in Amish country for the better part of the past three days.  It was nice to be away, but I worried the entire time about the consequences...here...of actually daring to go on this little trip.  And, I am going to share, Dear Diary, that that particular problem resolved itself.  I am not saying that it will not rear it's huge head again at some future time, but, for now, it is a sleeping monster.  And, all I have to say about any of it is that sometimes, doing the right things for the right reasons and being assured that you will still have to pay some insane and unnamed price for some equally insane and unnamed violation will come to naught.  That means that nothing horrible happened when I returned home late this afternoon.  Nothing.

Unfortunately, it is not because I am a decent person, you know, that right-thing/right-reason person.  Nope, it is because someone who is not me tried to betray me and in the process totally and completely messed up on the betrayal thing and ended up messing up his own plans.  Unfortunately, that still turned out to be my fault, and whilst I am not certain exactly how that is supposed to have happened, I am fine with it.

Besides, when I found out about how messed up the other stuff got, like really and truly messed up, like huge issue messed up and financially seriously messed up, it was impossible to take any relief, much less any pleasure in what happened whist I was away.  And, even though I am very relieved about much of it, I have already tried to help remedy it.  There is no doubt in my mind that being supportive and helpful will still come back to bite me, it is what I am going to do.

And, I am going to schedule and pay for more of these little trips.  It was fun going someplace very different and meeting lots of cool people, well, except for the woman who kept trying to push me out of the way all the time.  I had such a wonderful time, that when everyone else went on a whole bunch of shuttle trips and did all kinds of fun shopping and stuff, I stayed at the hotel, had a couple of apples for lunch, read a huge portion of one of the books I took along and fell asleep whilst reading.  Right there on my bed.  Freaking glorious.

When the tour director person (or whatever her job title is) walked around on the coach asking each person what their favorite part of the trip was, my answer was the nap.  No one to bother me, interrupt me or do anything to me.  It was an absolutely heavenly experience and I hope to have at least two more this year...trips and naps!

It will be interesting to see what happens around here over the next few days.  Tomorrow will find me booking two more trips, both longer than this one (3 days), and the consequence chips may fall where they like.  Not worrying my pretty, little head about any of it.

Now I just have to figure out what there is around here for dinner tonight.  Maybe some soup or something.

GP?  Neigh...errrr...yep!

A couple of final thoughts.  One is that, in the interest and service of honestly, I have to admit that I have caught myself smiling a couple of times whilst typing this.  Yeah, I am glad to have avoided the whole promised/threatened consequence thing, but I am a little amused that things turned out the way they have.  I sincerely do not wish anything bad on anyone, not even someone who is not me (SWINM). Really.  That said, I am smiling about some aspects of the stuff that got messed up.  

I know that makes me a bad person, but I seem unable to stop those muscles from making that face, the smiling one.

The other thought is that maybe something changed.  Maybe it is me.  Maybe not, but something did.  It will be interesting to see how this manifests, and if it will help me stay on course here and actually be healthier at the end of this project.  

I feel hopeful. 

100 Days toward a healthier life - Day 37

Breakfast:  Fresh corn
Lunch:  Crackers and, later, chocolate
Dinner:  Meat

So, I wonder if it is true that things fall apart so that other things can fall together.  I hope so, because that old interpersonal stuff is crumbling like the proverbial cookie.  You know, I am trying to minimize the stressors here and I am also wondering about that.  Maybe making nice and always defusing stuff is not the best way to handle that person.  I just do not know.

What I do know is that someone who is not me is trying to mess with some of my projects, most especially a couple of the travel ones.  Someone who is not me refuses to come along on any of these tiny trips, even if I pay for everything, and even though someone who is not me has more resources than any six people could ever use.  Just shakin' my noggin about all of the crap that went down today.

I am not much for praying, although I believe it to be a worthy endeavour.  Still, given the dynamics around here lately, I was totally enchanted by this poster I saw on Pinterest tonight.  And, clearly, I am incapable of leaving something worthy alone and changed the obvious parts.  Still works, though.

I pray

...for my someone-who-is-not-me to have a relationship with a higher power.
...that blessings would shower on my someone-who-is-not-me.
...for my someone-who-is-not-me to be a strong and ethical leader for our family.
...for my someone-who-is-not-me to love me deeply, but really, I would settle for even a bit less dislike.
...for my someone-who-is-not-me to have a heart for our children and their children.
...for my someone-who-is-not-me to make wise (and did I mention ethical) choices.
...for my someone-who-is-not-me to experience wonderful physical, emotional and mental health.
...for my someone-who-is-not-me to prosper at everything desired, work, play, everything.
...for my someone-who-is-not-me to manifest ethical interpersonal relationships.
...that I will always feel and express respect, grace, kindness and flat-out love for someone-who-is-not-me, always and most especially when none of that is offered to me, yeah, most especially then.

Anyway, not too badly of the whole eating thing today, although there seems to be a serious lack of vegetables lately, and, seriously, corn does not qualify as a healthy vegetable.  Really.   I guess it has to count for at least eating breakfast, though, yes?

I am planning on concentrating on the remote possibility that some new things will fall into something useful.  Not holding my breath, but still holding the hope.  I am holding and grateful to the Universe that I have my work and friends and stuff, because I am sorely tested here at home and as unsuccessful at making this work that it is possible to be.  Back on the better track tomorrow and the next day and...

GP.  One of my most favorite so far.  Softly.