100 Days toward a healthier life - Day 24

Breakfast:  Eggs with jalapeno
Lunch: Japanese place, pork, vegetables, 4 sushi, lots of wasabi, pickled ginger, soft roll, sesame ball/plum, pineapple, watermelon, 3 lychee, 5 maraschino cherries, diet cola, tea
Dinner: 2 cuts from a veggie sub sandwich, 2 really nice dill pickle wedges, SunChips, 2 diet white soda

Not too bad for having to eat out twice today.  The best part is that there was no waste...yipee!!!  Not a single shred of eatable food was garbageized.  Yeah, not too bad.

Still, I ate more than I should be eating for losing lots of weight.  On the other hand, I am eating much less than I used to eat and it is all food that I will find myself eating for the rest of my life, most likely, except for the sub sandwiches.  They were the dinner provided to those of us who were conducting interviews for job placement in a grant sponsored youth summer green jobs employment program.  It has been happening for several years, but this is the second year that I have been involved.  I really like it.  I love it.  It is fun, useful and very satisfying. 

Tonight, as I left the building, my second to last interview candidate was outside, talking to his friends and I overheard him saying that he was feeling tense and was not smiling or able to relax in any way and that his interviewer talked to him about other things and helped him to be more comfortable and that he could feel himself smiling.  Then, he saw me and stopped, so I told him that he did just fine, really fine, and kept on walking.  Man, what a nice feeling to know that I helped him to survive his first job interview and that he actually learned something helpful from it.

A very long day, but nice.  The only problem is that it was not until I returned home at 10:30 p.m. that I realized that I had forgotten to toss a load of laundry in the machine before I left.  Now I have to wait until next Tuesday to do any laundry and I am so irritated, so pissed, so totally pissed at myself for forgetting. 

My memory for regular things is completely shot.  A few weeks ago I put a large, compartmented box of beads on the roof of my car so that I could unlock the damn thing and then drove off with the beads and some adhesive still on the car. 

I kept leaving my cane all over town and now I am clumsy as well.  I must have dropped or knocked down at least 6 or 7 things since I got home tonight.  First a bottle of shampoo, then the other bottle of shampoo, next a small box of paints and brushes, then the frying pan, then my bottle of water and finally 3 CDs on which I burned a radio program for a few of my clients.  O.K., that is 8 things.  Lordy.  By the end of the day, my close vision is completely shot.  Crappy vision sucks.

Throat and left ear still fluid-y or infected or some damn thing.  Whatever it is, I am losing interest.

Today's GP is kind of dumb, but I like it very much.  The fluid part got away from me and then it got blurry with no way to fix it.  It is named, How to play soccer:

100 Days toward a healthier life - Day 14

Breakfast:  Eggs, bacon, coffee, many, many cups
Lunch:  Pho, half a bowl, half of a spring roll
Snack:  Cake on the drive home
Dinner:  Rest of the pho, rest of the spring rolls, more cake

Holy crap, it is now two weeks since I decided, reluctantly, to become a healthier person.  I hope that this is not a pattern, a continuing two-week of pretty dam good and then a backslide where the cake is concerned.  But, it is not my fault.

Really.  After breakfast and taking my friend on her errands, which I enjoyed very much, finding a few lovely craft materials things for myself and my mentee and the grandbabies.  Then, I dropped her at home and went for pho.  The older man there took my order and encouraged me to try a spring roll with pork.  It was very good and I think that I might ask for more help from him sometime.

I did have a moment today, though.  At breakfast, the errand friend needed change for a ten dollar bill.  I gave it to her in singles and a dollar's worth of change.  Cool, yes?  Then, I went to pay my bill for lunch and the ten spot was nowhere to be found.  I had left it on the table at the breakfast place.  With the tip I had already left, our lovely (truly, I like her very much) waitperson received a 150% tip today, just from me.

I was like totally freaked for a minute or two and then realized that it was likely the least expensive lesson I have ever learned.  It was offset by the mind-blowing sale that I got for a tiny, wooden barn and animals that I bought for our newest grand-nephew.  It was on sale for 50% off and then for another 75% off of the sale price because it was damaged.  I have to replace the screws in the hinges of one of the doors and two of the animals are missing, although the tractor was still there.  My mind is still blown over that one.

Where was I?  Lunch.  After, I walked to the Asian market next door and shopped for treats for my daughter and the boys, including daddy in that count, some herbs and a whole roasted duck.  You can choose your own duck from the pile of carcasses in the case, but I let the guy do it and he then hacks it to pieces and puts it into two, large carry-out boxes.  He does not give me the head, but that is fine.  Having my dinner looking back at me, bill and all, makes it impossible to disconnect myself from that lovely, rich, meaty goodness and the abrupt ending of the ducky's life.  He sure is delicious, though.

So.  The cake.  In this market you have to pay for the duck separately, as it is in the deli section.  No problem, except that today the corner of the place was packed, and I mean really, seriously packed, with sweets.  Asian sweets are not like those in any other part of the world.  They are made from sugar, of course, but also a stunning variety of starches, beans, rice and who knows what else.

I chose a wedge of this yellow cake that seemed strangely resilient in it's Styrofoam  and cellophane package.  Then, there were these rice things and those bean things and before I knew it, there were four small packages of sweets joining the hacked-up meat pieces, formerly known as ducky.

I sampled each one in the car on the way home.  The first taste is almost always the best, no matter what something is, and these were no exception.  Except for the cake.  Goodness.  And goodness does describe it.  It is moist.  It tastes of egg and not too much sugar.  It is sort of the airy, chewy texture of angel food cake, but more dense.  Lovely.  Charley and I have been snacking on it all evening.

I never should have bought it.  I will not buy it again.  I should not be eating it, but I am and the rest will be put out for the critters in the morning, along with the other sweets.  All of them, the sweets, cost only $6, so added to the lost $10, not a completely horrible day of wasted money, especially when I remember the huge meat waste I had a month or two ago.  Shudder.  That was shameful, but today's lapse is just a lapse.  Gonna move on.

I tried the new decongestants last night and have felt a little better all day.  Still not using my cane, and using less pain meds.  I bought fiber today and my colon is very happy.  It is a good day when your colon is not sad.  I am personally less sad today because I managed to get over the fact that my friend sort of stole my place to live in town.  At least I think that I am over it.  At this moment I no longer feel the need to stop helping at the gallery and I will try my best to not be upset and all grudge-holding with him when we next meet, which will be Friday.  Yeah, I am pretty sure that I am not upset about it anymore.  Pretty sure.  Maybe I do need a little more time to grieve the loss of that safe place, but I do not plan on using more than a few days for being sad about it.  Yeah, I can do that. No, he did not sort of steal it, he wrangled, pushed and punched my sorry ass right out of that place.  Bastard.  O.K., I am fine now.  Yeah.  I am, but that felt good.  Smiling now.

Tomorrow is back on the healthy wagon.  No cake for anyone.  I have some sewing that I would like to do and I promised to make some doll clothing patterns for a friend and, oh, there looks like there will be time for a nap in the early afternoon, altogether a fine prospect for a Sunday. 

On Monday I call the travel place and plan another short trip or two for the summer and I still have to join WW.  I am ditching the whole getting a new checking account and debit card thing and opting for paying the higher week-at-a-time fee for each week that I go there.  Maybe the extra $3.88 each time will help me value it more and make better use of the program.  That is an easier solution to the other stuff, and it is certainly much better than forgetting to keep enough money in that extra account so that I do not get hit with overdraft fees.  Now, that would seriously amp up my cranky-factor.

So, tonight's GP is one that makes me laugh.  A lot.  It is named Come here often? and there are several interpretations of what this depicts.

It might be:

1. Two of the microbes/germs/bacteria/bugs in my ailing body having a conversation whilst my white blood cells wander around taking long breaks, getting hyped on coffee and angsting about the meaning of life instead of doing their jobs.
2. A couple of citizens of other planetary systems, meeting out at Area 51, in honor of the couple of new books about the place.
3. Two Eastern European countries, redistricted by the machinations of their inbred leadership.
4. Two people from around here, transformed by the Rapture (or is it Raptor, I cannot ever remember),  making connections with the other left-behinds.
5. A pair of new lifeforms found in my refrigerator.

100 Days toward a healthier life - Day 13

Breakfast:  Eggs, toast, butter
Lunch:  Subway foot-long, roast beef on whole grain (not so sure that it really is, you know?) bun/roll, spinach, green peppers, mild peppers, tomato, cucumber
Mid-afternoon:  My tummy was rumbling and the second half of that sandwich was happy to provide relief
Dinner:  2 ears of corn, butter, salt

I had intended to have the sandwich be lunch and dinner, but I ate the second half at around 4:30, and then just had the corn; it is after 8:30.  So, more food than I planned or wanted to have, but it is what it is.  I bought the corn and some other groceries on the way home from the gallery.  I have a nice rib steak, salad stuff, a couple of apples, blueberries, a nice as in really nice cauliflower and those artichokes from Sunday's shopping.  Oh, and the rest of the turkey necks. 

I have to say that shopping when hungry is not supposed to be a great idea, and it was doubly so today.  Every lovely, refined carb in the store called my name.  They had a special on dark chocolate pound cake, and those crazy muffins with the cheese and jalapenos.  I actually looked at the ice cream section and dairy makes me, you know.

It was not such a good day and I suppose that contributed to my yearnings at the store tonight.  Two people stopped in, regulars and one is a good friend, the other is a crazy guy that is a doctor who does not practice medicine anymore, and for very good reasons.  The friend is using me and I would rather just not be a friend anymore than address the issue.  Totally the coward's way out, but it is the best I can manage, at least whilst I am still sick.  The insane doctor blew in, paced and ranted, insulted the gallery owner (a truly dear friend) and blew out.  Good thing, because I was this close to opening the door and thanking him for dropping by.  All right, I would not have done that, but I was thinking about it in my head and enjoying it very much.  A very satisfying fantasy.

I no longer want to be the person who makes nice and makes everything fine for the crazy people.  Hell, I am crazy enough in my own right and no one does that for me.  It does not help that most of my craziness stays in my head, fueling my exceptionally rich fantasy life, but that is beside the point.  I am fairly certain that if I manifested my inner, firmly straight-jacked self that, first, no would would believe it, mostly, and secondly, no one would cut my any slack and make all nice and fine for me.  I am pretty certain of that.  I am.

So, subjecting myself to the grocery store was a big mistake.  I knew it as soon as I walked through the doorway.  I got what I needed and avoided all the good stuff that I really wanted, even some dark chocolate.  That I caved on my way to the checkout and bought the corn is bothersome, but, really, it could have been worse.  At least the corn was good.  And buttery and salty.  Good.

I am going to bed right after I finish this because my goo kept me up again last night.

I am too tired to make a GP, so will use one of the ones I made yesterday.  It is named Cream in my coffee:

100 Days toward a healthier life - Day 12

Breakfast:  Eggs
Lunch: Toast, butter, turkey necks
Dinner: Small thing of yogurt

I sort of crashed today.  Too much stuff on two busy days.  Man, this should not knock the beans out of me like this.  I coughed, gagged and hacked all night.  How anyone got any rest here is a mystery.  My guess is that I got the most, but I am not asking because I do not want to be chided for disturbing everyone.  The cats do not care because it got me up early and they had their breakfast early.

I had just the eggs this morning because I figured that the protein would have more staying power whilst it decayed  digested in my gut.  Lunch rolled around, despite my dozing and resting, and by the time I was hungry enough to get up, I discovered that I had never put the turkey necks on to roast.

Now.  Turkey necks.  One of my all-time comfort foods.  The market chops them into 3-inch lengths, and put in a pan, sprinkled with a little salt, and roasted at 425 degrees for about an hour, they are little hunks of chewy delight.  They are so good.  They are also the kind of food that you never, ever can eat in front of anyone else.  Well, the cats do not mind because they get their own share, but other humans simply do not want to watch another human bite, tear, chew, suck and gnaw on those bony bits of heaven.

Anyway, they did not get bitten, torn, chewed, sucked or any of the rest until 2:30.  I kept my tummy satisfied with a piece of toast, then another piece of toast.  Later, there was one more piece of toast, and then I ate six pieces of neck, with three times that many now in the fridge.  I had the yogurt for dinner and am not hungry.  Mostly.  Either I am actually reducing my appetite with these smaller meals and no snacking, or I am still too sick to care about eating.  I am kind of concerned that this eating less food is so easy because I am so ill and that when (or if) I ever feel better that my old appetites will return.  Man, I hope not; I really, really hope that does not happen.  Would that not be, oh gosh, one of the most wonderful things ever?  That I could be satisfied with something approaching, approximating normal portion sizes?  It could happen.  It could.

Speaking of appetites, I have been thinking of another human one that is not so easily satisfied.  I have been without the benefits of a partner for a very long time.  Like really long.  Like bats in the belfry, cobwebs where there should not be cobwebs long.  Honestly, that long.  Most of the time I never give it a thought.  Sometimes, when my friend, D, the ancient horndog is lusting over some young woman (one whom, by the way, he has not a chance of getting even a tiny taste, although that does absolutely nothing to deter him), I do think about it and have had the occasional yearning for someone nice in my life.  However, I am a realist of the highest order and know that there is not a rat's ass chance of that ever happening.  It makes me sad, right this minute, just to think of how that is never going to happen for me.

Anyway, I am hoping that I can continue to eat less and get healthier when I finally return to more immediate health.  My dentist called to remind me of my appointment on Monday morning and it is a good thing, as I could cancel and not create an empty space that some other patient could use.  And, by the way, she called not because I forget, but to remind me that I was to hang around because we had plans for lunch.  She is an amazing dentist and an even better friend.  She is great.  Me, not so much, because I had completely forgotten. 

Staying home today meant that I did no errands.  I still have not had time to get the things I need from the pharmacy (including some fibery stuff,, which in another day I am going to need more than oxygen), find and buy a window-sized air conditioner, get any fresh vegetables or open that freaking checking account, get a debit card and finally be able to join WW.  This is insane.  You cannot hear this, but I am screaming in my head because this is so much more difficult that anything of this sort should be.  I have thought this before, but I am a bit O.K. with myself at how determined I am to do this.  So, I will get going early tomorrow, do all that and get to the gallery on time, where the ancient mariner horndog will likely show up and tell some damn story that will make my own longings manifest one more, damn time. 

I really suck and have a relatively suckly life right now.  Oh, the work and family and friends aspects are fine, but I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I cannot even add today as one without using my cane because I did not go anywhere, but I can count tomorrow, and I think, in celebration of not using my cane, actually getting dressed and leaving the house, and not being able to take my leftover turkey necks to have for lunch, that I will get a sandwich from Subway.  Hell, if that TV commercial guy can lose weight and get healthier eating those veggie subs, they certainly cannot hurt me.  That will be fun.

Since I did nothing useful, except for roasting the turkey necks, I had plenty of time to play mahjong, take a rest here and there and make some more of my current guilty pleasure/GP.

I made six, I think, with several of them primitive and silly, which is fine because I am primitive and more than a little silly.  I like this one.  A lot.  It is not silly.  It is named Mermother: