100 Days toward a healthier life - Day 13

Breakfast:  Eggs, toast, butter
Lunch:  Subway foot-long, roast beef on whole grain (not so sure that it really is, you know?) bun/roll, spinach, green peppers, mild peppers, tomato, cucumber
Mid-afternoon:  My tummy was rumbling and the second half of that sandwich was happy to provide relief
Dinner:  2 ears of corn, butter, salt

I had intended to have the sandwich be lunch and dinner, but I ate the second half at around 4:30, and then just had the corn; it is after 8:30.  So, more food than I planned or wanted to have, but it is what it is.  I bought the corn and some other groceries on the way home from the gallery.  I have a nice rib steak, salad stuff, a couple of apples, blueberries, a nice as in really nice cauliflower and those artichokes from Sunday's shopping.  Oh, and the rest of the turkey necks. 

I have to say that shopping when hungry is not supposed to be a great idea, and it was doubly so today.  Every lovely, refined carb in the store called my name.  They had a special on dark chocolate pound cake, and those crazy muffins with the cheese and jalapenos.  I actually looked at the ice cream section and dairy makes me, you know.

It was not such a good day and I suppose that contributed to my yearnings at the store tonight.  Two people stopped in, regulars and one is a good friend, the other is a crazy guy that is a doctor who does not practice medicine anymore, and for very good reasons.  The friend is using me and I would rather just not be a friend anymore than address the issue.  Totally the coward's way out, but it is the best I can manage, at least whilst I am still sick.  The insane doctor blew in, paced and ranted, insulted the gallery owner (a truly dear friend) and blew out.  Good thing, because I was this close to opening the door and thanking him for dropping by.  All right, I would not have done that, but I was thinking about it in my head and enjoying it very much.  A very satisfying fantasy.

I no longer want to be the person who makes nice and makes everything fine for the crazy people.  Hell, I am crazy enough in my own right and no one does that for me.  It does not help that most of my craziness stays in my head, fueling my exceptionally rich fantasy life, but that is beside the point.  I am fairly certain that if I manifested my inner, firmly straight-jacked self that, first, no would would believe it, mostly, and secondly, no one would cut my any slack and make all nice and fine for me.  I am pretty certain of that.  I am.

So, subjecting myself to the grocery store was a big mistake.  I knew it as soon as I walked through the doorway.  I got what I needed and avoided all the good stuff that I really wanted, even some dark chocolate.  That I caved on my way to the checkout and bought the corn is bothersome, but, really, it could have been worse.  At least the corn was good.  And buttery and salty.  Good.

I am going to bed right after I finish this because my goo kept me up again last night.

I am too tired to make a GP, so will use one of the ones I made yesterday.  It is named Cream in my coffee: