Wednesday, May 4, 2011
She needed to be faced with the risk of having the remains of her sight lost due to the little bleed-outs in her retinas and the detachments and the flashers before she was able to take all of this crap seriously. Lordy.
When the next client does a little of the same and tells you that you are a nice person and that you are the first person with whom he has felt comfortable in a very long time, well, that is the icing on that cookie and that cookie is one that you can safely enjoy without further assault to your vision.
That he has a larger pole up his ass than you do is an opportunity to mind your own hubris before it can come back and bite you in the ass. Frankly, it is a blessing, and you get to be grateful not only for his transformation, but for the gentle reflection he offers to your own attitudes and behaviors.
Today he has a new haircut. I see him walking towards me and I think, "Man, that is so cool...he is manifesting his inner Beatle." The mop-top bowl cut is actually quite cute on him.
Then, we pass and I turn to look at the back of the new haircut and I think, "Man, do you not have any friends who are good enough friends to share with you that, from behind, your head looks like a furry penis?"
It would be fine if the reason for dumping the good person was other than intentionally using him to develop the program so that they could take over and run it themselves. Had they been upfront about their plans, no one would have been surprised or hurt in the transition. But, seriously, to use someone like that is just plain shameful.
I am dedicated to that organization and when I heard what had happened I went to the source, where the suspicions of the dumped, good person were confirmed. Bad enough to do that, but how much worse to be so blasé, so matter-of-fact and unashamed about it. I could not be more shocked if it had happened to me. I am hoping that writing it down will help me to process what seems like a complete betrayal of principles, beliefs and honor. I am stunned and see no future time when this is not going to bother me. I have also severed my connection to them, which makes me more sad that I can even think about.
I want to be light-hearted about this, you know, how breaking up is so hard to do (feel free to sing along), but I thought that I could do my little, peripheral stuff there and it could be a sort of connection to my brother, and there just is not any reasonably light aspect that I can find, which is another disappointment for a positive view girl like me. Heartbroken and a little scared that such a thing could happen.
She is a lovely mom and I adore her. I think that we will surprise her with home-made pizza for lunch. One of her favorites.
I have to release this. Holding on to it serves no one. Besides, it feels as though I am giving some of my power away to them, and they do not deserve to have anything from me. This totally and completely sucks.