Breakfast: 2 small peaches, eggs two hours later
Lunch: Scallops, grilled vegetables, spiced apple ring, baked potato (butter, sour cream), roll, mint ice cream, decaf coffee
Dinner: Steak, cherries
Wow, when I look back over this diary, I am kind of amazed at the kinds of foods that I am eating. They are, almost to a one, of higher quality than what I was putting in my body three weeks ago. I mean, good seafood and a steak, not bad. It is taking funds away from my big travel plans, but I am happy to stay home and eat great food in the business of becoming healthier. A fine trade-off and plan, all around.
My previous diet was heavy on carbohydrates, brown rice, whole wheat pasta and bread, oatmeal, beans, lentils, popcorn, with only the occasional meat. Lots of soups and slow cooker meals, still mostly carbs. It was cheap and filling. It was also terrible for someone who has diabetes, and that someone would be me. I have been having problems with dairy for a long time. Milk, ice cream and cheese nearly always gave me serious gastrointestinal distress.
Factor in all of the drive-through meals, taken and eaten on the run because it really is difficult to plan ahead for carry along meals based on my old, regular diet, and it is a wonder I had just the one heart thing. You know, eventually I will find a way to say and write the real word for what happened, but for now it is the heart thing. I should be troubled by an inability to move beyond being so vague and indirect and avoiding about it, but I am not. Troubled, that is, not in the least. I am curious about why that is, but not enough to actually get any forward movement going there. This attitude is likely to come and bite me in the ass, but not today.
Even though I am not keeping track, anyone could see that there were simply and plainly too many calories eaten today. The portions were good, but there was a serious glut of butter, and there really is not any excuse for the ice cream. Lunch was at 2 and dinner at 9. Both late and both times I was hungry. I will have to return to some kind of snacking when meals are going to be late like this. Carrying around a zipper bag of raw almonds should help there.
So, I finally figured out that writing here and saving as a draft is, oh, I do not know, like saving as a draft. There have been a couple of times when something caught in my craw and because I am dedicated to writing in this diary at the end of the day, most of those things or issues are long forgotten by the time I stumble in here to spew. Granted, most of them are best left forgotten, but there is the occasional something or other that is worth reminding myself.
Anyway, I called my chatty, story-telling friend yesterday (one of the ss women) to ask her to lunch. I had decided that keeping our outings short, as in less than the usual 10-12 hours would go a long way to reducing the problems. Now, this part seems awfully manipulative, and that is probably because it is. But, if I limit the time I spend taking her places to a reasonable length, then there will not be sufficient time for her to feel the need to fill the time with the same stories, and the same demands that I chime in with opinions. I estimate that 3 hours is long enough for lunch or dinner and a stop at the market so that she can get some groceries. The market could be replaced by the pharmacy, it is totally her choice.
We are trying that this afternoon. She was not sure that she could make it today, so we spoke again this morning. She really want to do this on Thursday, but that means another very long day. I am going to stand firm on not doing that anymore. All right, maybe I will cave and do that with her once a month or something. But, not every week and certainly not twice in a week. Today I told her that I had 3 hours for lunch and/or shopping and that she could choose what we did and where I took her.
It should have worked, but I underestimated her dedication to staying out and about as long as possible and her ability to stretch events to their fullest. We did not have the 3 hours. It was 4 1/4 from the time I picked her up until I dropped her off. It would have been longer, but I finally walked away from all of the last minute things she needed to share with me.
O.K., there were two times today when I felt like a jerk, a heel, a selfish bitch, a terrible person. The first was after two hours at the restaurant when I mentioned that there was still grocery shopping to be done. The second was during the shopping when my protesting joints would not leave me alone and I checked out my crap and waited at the front of the store for her to finish. Now, in my defense, I did not tell her about the pain and I did tell her that she should and could take as much time as she liked to finish. She was another 30 minutes and I sat and read a magazine. She wants to do this again on Thursday and Saturday. I just cannot. They will be longer days and I just do not have the energy and time now. Yeah, the selfish bitch rears her terrible, jerky head again. Too bad. I cannot keep doing this.
What else...I guess that is all. Oh, I heard the best linked stories program today on NPR. Had I been wearing socks, it would have totally knocked them off. I am trying, right now, to download the mp3 version so that I can listen to it over and over. There was so much information that I could not grasp all of it.
To the best of our knowledge
The Examined Life
Examined Life - James Miller
Growing Up Jung - Micah Toub
Bipolar Memories - Aubrey Ralph
Science of Self - David Eagleman
Life of Montaigne - Sarah Bakewell
Then, tonight I watched the screen adaption of Ishiguro's Never Let Me Go. Holey-moley, what an amazing film. Certainly, not exactly the book, but that movie did not a single thing to disgrace the original version.
Those two experiences, in the same day, were, still are, amazing. Got to pay better attention to the stuff coming into my life. I can be a better person if I just pay attention, listen, learn, take it all in and manifest it back out again. I am also feeling marginally better, but that is preferable to moving backwards. Fersure.
GP, yesterday's bran muffin.