Thursday, June 2, 2011

100 Days toward a healthier life - Day 26

Breakfast:  Eggs
Lunch:  Japanese place, usual
Dinner:  Sushi

Lunch today was the usual healthy stuff there, not as much fruit, but some noodles and rice.  Our waiter mentioned that I never order any rice or noodles and asked why.  I told him that there was too much carbs, they were not so great for me and that when I start eating them that I begin to crave them and that simply avoiding them was better all round. 

When he brought our food, he had a small plate with some cellophane noodles that had been sautéd with green onions, surimi and a bit of egg, and rice, again sautéd, but with fresh edamame, onions and green beans.  Like some robotic people-pleaser, I tried them and eventually ate most of it.  You know, I am accustomed to ordering just enough food to satisfy without stuffing myself, like I almost always did before starting this thing.  I never clean my plate anymore, well, most of the time.  And, it is working.  I am satisfied by making careful food choices whenever possible, eating enough to keep me going, stopping eating before I feel full and drinking lots of water during the day.  I cannot remember when I last felt the urge to eat anything between meals.  I bought some of my favorite chocolate more than a month ago and have not felt more than the merest desire to eat any, and resisting even that. 

So, all in all, I am doing well.  I feel the urge to weigh myself on occasion, but since I did not do that at the beginning, it would not be all that helpful, since I am not keeping track.  I am paying attention to portions, although not considering what calories they might contain.  That part is probably foolish, but it has not been a problem...yet.  If I am forced to keep track of calories, I will do it, but I will not be very happy about it; my reasoning being that I have no intention of counting calories for the rest of my life.  I am trying to think long term.

I wonder how responsible I am being with all of this.  I think about how I might be pandering to some screwed-up notions about what becoming healthier means to me, particularly in relation to all of the recent health issues. 

Anyway, it got me to thinking about responsibility.  I had a client yesterday with some particularly difficult personal and legal issues that are having a serious consequence where new employment is concerned.  It is certainly none of my business, and I am not judging him, but he is staunchly avoiding taking responsibility for some of the things that brought him to this point.  If that is where he is, then that is where he is.  The difficulty is that I can do and help only so much unless the other person does their part of the work.  So, we are kind of stuck, and I offered to have an extra session with him this morning.  Thursday is not one of my regular days there, so I had to rearrange my schedule to accommodate his.

He never showed up.  Yesterday, as he was leaving, he joked that I had better be there when he showed up.  It was kind of funny, because he was comfortable joking with me after only one session.  So, anyway, I waited for him.  He was not late, he just never came, nor did he call.  I waited thirty minutes, packed up my stuff, and left.  Now, I have a policy about not calling people to remind them of their appointments or calling to find out why someone is late.  I know that medical offices do this all the time, but they have to maintain tight schedules and make as certain as possible that their patients actually show up and not waste the time that could be given to another patient.

I do not have that scheduling and attendant financial aspect.  Besides, I think that if you cannot show up, maybe developing some good habits along the way, how are you going to be responsible to show up for work every day.  It is difficult enough to find a job and it is in one's best interest to be responsible and to inform prospective employers that you have some commitment and dedication to being reliable.  He will call and make another appointment and will likely show up, but I will not be offering any additional, off-schedule time to him.  No more coming in on my day off.  And, it is too bad, because I know that I could be of significant assistance to him.  However, I cannot make anyone want or use what I have to offer.

Oh, in honor of my second anniversary doing this work, I am ordering some business cards.  I am trying very hard to not tart them up, though.  I will be working on knitting more wash cloths tomorrow at the gallery.  Maybe when my friend comes in to fuck me over again I can point my needles at him and say, "Hey, friend, you got no power over me, so just go work your mean mojo somewhere else.  My heart is enough to hold you and give back, but taking crap is no longer what I do."  Fine.  I will not say that or anything close to it.  Still have to find a way to help that world go away.  Get it off of my shoulder.

I came home, worked a bit, read a bit and took a nap.  Very nice.  Then, just an hour ago I had the California Roll that I brought home from the restaurant.  Very nice. 

All in all, a great day.  Still coughing like a bitch, although my ear feels better.  It might be time to find a new allergy doctor.  I have not needed one for decades, but this icky illness stuff has to be allergies.  Sort of like being responsible to myself, especially in this journey to better health. 

Guilty Pleasure for today.  Heart enough to hold and give:
 I am a foolish person.  I am not saying that is bad or anything, although it probably is, bad that is.  It is just who I am most of the time lately.   My preference would be lighthearted, joyful, pleasant, sweet and fun-loving.  I can get there, be those things, but often I just miss my marks and am foolish by default.  I guess that it is better than cranky or bitchy.  It is just that people may enjoy the antics of a fool, but they just do not take them seriously.  You know?

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